all who are thirsty,
all who are weak…
come to the fountain;
dip your heart in the Stream of Life.
I AM SO DANG EXCITED TO GET MY PHILTRUM PIERCED
I am in such a…well, just indescribable season in my walk with Christ. I have been in a time of constantly being with my Savior for the past couple of weeks. He’s shown me how beautiful and unique the emotions of woman are, but at the same time, He’s teaching me to give my emotions to Him and declare that they are under His control and reign.
God has been revealing to me that I was not made to be a reflection of this world. I use to find myself sometimes getting jealous and envious of girls who party and get to sleep around and do whatever they really want. But God has been changing my heart in an incredible way; pulling out all of the toxins and filling myself with Him again.
I find myself not craving things I used to crave and the desires of my heart have been completely changed.
He has also revealed to me that I am my Father’s child; that He has made me like Him with a huge desire to love His people and share in life with them. I am so thankful for this quality- because while it may be extremely dangerous to be opened to love anyone who comes my way (always risking the possibility of deception, disappointment, etc), I get to share in their feelings, and hurt when they are hurting and rejoice when they are rejoicing and bare their burden. The way the Father loves is amazing and what a wonderful thing that He can love through us.
I’ve been a Christian for a little over two years now- and from almost the very moment I was first saved two years ago until now, I’ve been saying this very thing:
I know the Spirit’s purging me of everything that’s hurting me.
This has been what I’ve been holding on to, as I have always been accustomed to filling myself with harmful things and having to go through a process of restoration with my Savior. This process hurts, because I’m losing things that have attached to me. But man- restoration is amazing.
Jesus has revealed to me in an incredible way of who He is. That when I need my comforter, when I need an embrace, He is my Precious Lamb. When I need my strength, when I need protection, He is my roaring lion.
Can I just be real with you guys right now?
Not too long ago, I was completely miserable. I felt I had no worth. It has been about six months since I’ve lost my virginity and I’ve had sex with three people since then. I have felt so worthless and dirty and disgusting. I kept trying to give my life to God but kept screwing up.
I have been a Christian for three years and I have had no idea on how to give these situations to God. I couldn’t feel God. I couldn’t worship God. I couldn’t pray to God. I was so worthless.
Can I just say that God is a God of restoration?
You know how horrible it feels to have a splinter? The nagging pain of it being there is just so excruciating. But then once it gets removed, it is the most relieving thing ever.
I came to God with the splinter of hurt. I was hurt beyond belief. The damage that people have done to me in the past months and the consequences of my own mistakes have just accumulated into this huge splinter of hurt and complete and utter despair. I came to God with that splinter and for once, I actually gave it to Him. I let go of my problems and put them into His hands.
I cannot even began to explain how I feel. Like I can forgive these people for using me and I can see them as children of God. I can forgive myself for screwing up.
I just want to put emphasis on the fact that YOU are not worthless. You are not trash. You are not disgusting. You are not hopeless. Those are lies straight from the enemy and you do not need to accept that as reality.
Girls AND guys: the number of people you have slept with does not define you. The number of mistakes you have made does not define you. The degree of your mistake does not define you.
The words from the mouth of God Himself define you. Who you are through God’s eyes defines you. And He can take you as you are and bring restoration to your life.
I’m sorry for my absence in posting. I’ve been incredibly busy. I will give a brief update on my life; assuming its of some importance to you all.
I just came from my second doctors appointment this week. I had to do more blood work. They are trying to figure out what’s wrong with my liver and if it is at all related to the Lupus.
Summer has been really hectic and I mean that in the best and worst of ways. I’ve been walking in what God has called me to do and it is amazing. I’m constantly asking myself why he would use someone like me to do this work but honestly, I’m just grateful. I can’t really go into detail about what He has called me to do yet, but I will soon!
Spiritual warfare ain’t a game. It’s so stinking tough and I have messed and made so many mistakes these pass few weeks. I keep catching myself sitting in my sin playing pity parties. But God is good and reciting Psalm 51 and Psalm 119 leave my soul at rest and overwhelmed by my gracious Jesus.
I’m probably going to shave my head soon.
Can I just say how much I hate Lupus. I went to get my lab work done the other day and the blood level in my liver is really off or something because I’m taking too much medication. So…I have to get off most of my medication for the Lupus so my liver won’t fail or whatever. Which means the Lupus won’t get better. I may have to get off my sleeping medication also. And I’ve been an insomniac all my life. Like, even as a kid, I just never slept. And I really value the sleep I’ve been getting because I’ve never gotten it before. This just really sucks. Just keep me in your prayers if you remember. Thanks.
"I want to sit at Your feet, drink from the cup in Your hands. Lay back against You and breath, feel Your heart beat. This love is so deep, it’s more than I can stand. I melt in Your peace, it’s overwhelming."
I feel like sometimes we view God as this distance being whom we cannot touch. But goodness gracious, these lyrics are so personal. Our relationship with God is not some distance thing. If we allow the supernatural power of the Holy Spirit to enter into our reality, we can go some much deeper in our relationship. I don’t even know where I was going. I can’t even put what I’m trying to say into words. But man, this love is so deep.
I cannot handle this another day.
I think beauty is found in the un-waxed eyebrow. It’s found in the tiny patch of hair around your ankle that you forgot to shave. It’s found in the way your shirt doesn’t match your bottoms, your shoes, or anything else you have on for that matter. It’s found in the deep wrinkles of thought across your forehead that you decided not to cover today. It’s found in the unmanageable curls left from sleeping on your soaking wet hair. It’s found in a crooked smile of the little girl whose parents couldn’t afford braces anytime soon. It’s found in the softness of that blue-green eye that can finally breathe now that it is not surrounded by traces of black. It’s found in the pimples and blemishes of early adolescence. If you think that beauty is found in makeup and hairstyles- then more power to you. But I do believe that it is found in the simpler things.